MARIO KILLED THE WHACKA!
by Miluette
Summary: A really random fanfic. Oh, the trauma! Mario has killed Whacka! Is there no justice?!


  
Cast:  
  
Mario  
Luigi  
Peach  
All the Party Members from Paper Mario (Goombario, Kooper, Bombette, Parakarry, Bow, Watt, Sushie, Lakielester)  
The following Star Spirits: Eldstar, Mamar, Skolar, Misstar  
Bowser  
Kammy  
Whacka's Brother  
  
(One day, everything was normal... Mario and crew roamed about the path over Mt. Rugged, Peach taggling along.)  
  
Peach: Oh, isn't it a nice day?  
Mario: (nods)  
Bow: Yes! Certainly another nice day to improve my beauty further.  
Parakarry: I've never seen such a conceited boo...!  
Bow: Heh heh heh...  
  
(They pass by a certain SPOT...a spot where a certain cute, loveable, blue rodent used to pop up and greet the day at everyday.)  
  
Peach: Oh look! There's the spot where Whacka pops up every day. I wonder if he's home?  
Mario: (sweatdrops) Uh...I don't think we should check.  
Peach and Parakarry: Why not?  
Parakarry: I like seeing Whacka everyday.  
Mario: Um... The mushroom girl by the train station said he hasn't been around lately...so we shouldn't bother looking.  
Peach: But...  
  
(Suddenly, the little blabbermouth, Goombario, popped out of Mario's overalls and spoke up...)  
  
Goombario: Wait! No! Mario LIES!  
Peach: ...?  
Watt: Wha...? I've never seen Mario lie.  
Goombario: I know what happened to poor ol' Whacka!  
  
(Mario shuddered and slapped his hand onto the little Goomba's mouth.)  
  
Mario: No you don't!!  
Peach: Mario, what is WRONG with you?  
Sushie: Yeah. You act as if you killed Whacka or something.  
Mario: O_o;;; Eh heh heh...  
Goombario: Mmmmph... (bites Mario to make him get go)  
Mario: Owwww!!!! (jumps around, holding his hand with the other)  
Goombario: You mean you never told them, Mario?  
Lakielester: Mario! Dude, you have a secret?  
Mario: ....... (still in pain)  
Lakielester: Goombario! Dude, you are wise beyond compare for your age! C'mon, you know a lot--tell us what Mario did!  
All the 'Party Members': Yeah!  
Mario: No-o-o!  
Goombario: You see, it is widely known that Whacka is a rare species of animal, only found in Mt. Rugged or those little pop-up whack-a-mole games you see in arcades...  
Everyone but Mario: (nod) And...  
Goombario: It happens that... (sniff) they're a rare species because everyone knows their bumps are tasty...  
Everyone else: O_o;;;;;  
Goombario: Don't look at me like that! You know, the item, Whacka's Bump? They restore health and taste good, too!  
Everyone but Mario and Goombario: Whatever you say...  
Goombario: ¬_¬;; Anyway, it so happens that Mario found this out by 'mistake' when hitting happy little Whacka, who gracefully and happily greets the day, on the head, and recieving the knot that rose up on its head...Well, Mario wanted more to help him in his battles in the Dojo, Anti-Guy, and other tough bad guys... And more and more....So he hit Whacka seven more times. Seven! It was so sad as Whacka's mind deteriorated to forgetfulness and mindless singing from so many blows to the noggin...until POOF! Gone. Whacka blew up in a poof! Whacka died! His last words? "I can't take this kind of abuse!" ;_;  
  
(Everyone except Mario was in tears now. They wept for the poor Whacka's departure, and another reason...)  
  
Goombario: And thus, except for the whack-a-mole games, which I fear may also die out soon, despite their metal-ness, the race of Whacka was eradicated from existance on this poor old Mushroom Planet...and all thanks to Mario!!  
  
(Everyone cried for a moment, then looked at Mario--or, rather, glared at him.)  
  
Mario: ¬.¬` You make me seem like a darn evil person! Worse than Bowser! X_x;;  
Goombario: He was ENDANGERED! And weak!  
Mario: How the hay was I supposed to know that?!  
Peach: Mario, you cruel, insolent man!  
Mario: Oh, now look what you've done, Goombario. X_x;  
Watt: You ought to be ashamed of yourself...  
Sushie: Yeah!  
Bow: (whacks Mario with her fan) =(  
Parakarry: So THAT's what happened to him. Hmm... I used to like seeing him greet me everyday as I flew out over Mt. Rugged to deliver letters...and one day he just stopped showing up...I wondered, until now. (Parakarry sighs) I remember getting the letter from him one day about how much he liked watching me deliver... (sniffle, sob, cry)  
Lakielester: You know what I think?!  
Everyone else but Mario: What?!  
Lakielester: I think for this we should burn Mario at the steak!  
Bow: Don't you mean 'stake'?  
Lakielester: Yeah! Whatever.  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Bow: BOIL him in oil!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Goombario: BURY him deep within Dry Dry Ruins!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Kooper: FEED him to Tubba Blubba!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Bombette: Blow him UP!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Parakarry: Let the Shy Guys TORTURE him!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Parakarry: Wait! You did it twice when the next one hasn't been said yet!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!--Oops.  
Bow: Anyway, er... SCARE him to death!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Watt: SHOCK him!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Sushie: Let Raphael SQUASH him!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Lakielester: I also think he should be banished to the highest clouds!  
Everyone else but Mario: ...  
Lakielester: ...Or we could FREEZE him in the Shiver Region!  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Mario: You all sure hate me...X_x  
Everyone else but Mario: YEAH!!  
Mario: ;_;`()  
Peach: THese are a lot of good ways to punish Mario...but we should make sure not to kill him; that'd make us just as bad as him.  
Everyone but Peach: (nods)  
Kooper: Let the punishing COMMENCE!  
  
(Meanwhile, somewhere up in the sky...)  
(Bowser, in his Castle in the Sky, was looking down apon Mt. Rugged with a large telescope. Kammy was by his side.)  
  
Kammy: What are they doing, Your Rottenness?  
Bowser: Looks like Mario's friends are ganging up on him...now they're gagging and tying him up... Looks like they're all gonna kill Mario. Yay! Now I won't have to go through the trouble.  
Kammy: But Sir...I thought it was your one wish and dream to be able to kill Mario yourself.  
Bowser: ...Oh yeah! I forgot about that. C'mon, Kammy, we've got to STOP them from killing Mario so *I* can! (hops into his Koopa Kopter) C'mon, Kammy!  
Kammy: (hops on her flying broom) Coming, Sir.  
  
(The two fly away, down to Mt. Rugged, breaking one of the windows in the process [they were too lazy to use the front door].)  
(Back with our friends-turned-enemies-on-Mario...)  
  
Peach: Hold still, Mario, the burn won't hurt...for long.  
Mario: Mmmmph!  
Bombette: (trying to explode and start as fire, as Mario is gagged and tied to a post) Ergh...Bob-omb!  
  
(Bombette had nearly exploded, when...)  
  
???: Oh no you don't! Not before me!!  
???2: Not before my master, nope!  
  
(Bowser and Kammy came crashing down into Mt. Rugged...)  
  
Bowser: Hey, where're the brakes on this thing?! (tugs wildly at the controls in his Koopa Kopter)  
Kammy: Bowser, Sir, you're going out of contr--ACK!!  
  
(Bowser swerved and hit Kammy, right as they crashed into a high hill a few meters away from Mario and Co.)  
(CRASH!!!)  
  
Bowser: X_x Ow....  
Kammy: (squished underneath Bowser) ...Nnnng...  
Peach: What the...  
Sushie: It's Bowser! Oh no!  
Bowser: Ugh... (gets up, slowly) Now then! I came to say they YOU CAN'T KILL MARIO!  
Everyone else: Wha...? Why?  
Bowser: Because *I* want to kill him! I've been trying since 1985, and I'm not going to let you guys waste all my efforts!  
Bow: But...you've done that all by yourself.  
Bowser: -_-;; Grr... Just let ME kill him.  
Watt: Well...perfect timing! We need someone to set the stake on fire.  
Bowser: OK, can do!  
  
(Just as Bowser gears up to flame Mario, suddenly.................... One of the Star Spirits, Eldstar, appears!)  
  
Everyone: Wha...?  
Eldstar: Stop! I've been watching you all day, and you should all be ashamed of yourselves!  
Everyone: ...  
Eldstar: Mamar, Skolar, Muscular, Misstar, Clevar, and Kalmar, come forth with me!  
  
(Only Mamar, Skolar, and Misstar appear.)  
  
Eldstar: Huh? Where's everyone else at?  
Mamar: Didn't you know? Muscular, Clevar, and Kalmar went to take a vacation on Lavalava Island. I dunno why, though.  
Eldstar: *sigh* Oh well...I guess this will do. Skolar!  
Skolar: Yes?  
Eldstar: Use your Star Storm ability to knock the sense into everyone.  
  
(Skolar makes shooting stars fly into everyone, and each person also loses 7 HP.)  
  
Bowser: Ow! How could you hurt me like that! It's only natural that I'd want to kill Mario. (notices that Peach is unconscious) No! How could you hurt PEACH like that?! (rushes to Peach's side) Peach? Are you OK!??!?!  
Mario: Mmmmmm! Mmmphh rhuegtgtfvg! =(  
  
(Peach came to. She notices Bowser leering over her.)  
  
Peach: Aaaah! Get away from me, you monster! (SLAP!!)  
Bowser: Ow! _o  
Eldstar: Now, untie Mario this instant.  
  
(Kooper and Parakarry help to untie and ungag Mario. Mario kicks them both as he walks over to the four Star Spirits.)  
  
Mario: Thanks.  
Skolar and Eldstar: No problem.  
Misstar: (being such a kind and wise Star Spirit, she says:) You all shouldn't have gotten so mad at Mario. He didn't know Whackas were nearly extinct! If he had, he wouldn't have whacked Whacka so many times. Right, Mario?  
Mario: Uh, yeah. (nods)  
Sushie: But what would YOU do if you got whacked on the head every time someone wanted something from you??  
Mario: (goes crosseyed) I'm a superhero, I've been whacked on the head several times! (remembers Tubba Blubba, the Monster in the Dark, and Bowser, all jumping on his head, and shudders)  
Sushie: Yeah...but...but still...  
Misstar: You should forgive Mario, everyone.  
Peach and the party members: We're sorry, Mario.  
Mario: I guess I'm sorry too.  
  
(GROUP HUG)  
  
Bowser: Blah. I'm starting to get sick. C'mon, Kammy, let's go back to my castle.  
Kammy: Right, Your Stinkiness.  
  
(Kammy flies back up on her slightly damaged/broken broom [just barely working], and Bowser flies up in his [barely working] Koopa Kopter.)  
  
Bowser: Smell ya later...! (flies away)  
Star Spirits: I guess we should be going, too. Bye! (poof, they disappear)  
Everyone: Bye!  
Goombario: Whoo. I'm glad THIS is over.  
  
(But wait!)  
  
Goombario: ...Now what?  
  
(Suddenly, a brown Whacka pops out of the ground!)  
  
Whacka2: Ah-hah!  
Everyone else: (gasp) It's another Whacka!  
Goombario: So they're not all dead!  
Whacka2: I'm Whacka's brother. I've been listening to this whole short! I forgive Mario for killing my brother, but I really feel I must have vengeance...for my only bro....  
Everyone else: ...  
Whacka2: We were planning on repopulating the world with Whackas again, all by ourselves!  
Everyone else: Oo;;  
Whacka2: ...With many calls to the stork, of course.  
Everyone else: Whew. ^^()  
Whacka2: But now he's gone! So Mario, may I bet up your brother, Luigi, a bit?  
Mario: Oh, beat him up to your heart's content.  
Whacka2: Yay! Thanks. (pops back underground and burrows to Mario and Luigi's house)  
Peach: OK everyone, now that all that's over, let's go to Dry Dry Outpost for soem Dry Dry Pasta!  
Everyone else: Yay!  
  
THE END  
  
(Wait!)  
(Meanwhile, while our main cast was getting Dry Dry Pasta, like they'd originally intended to, Whacka's Brother was beating up Luigi in his own home.)  
  
Luigi: Quit it! OW! Stop! OW! I never hurt you! OW!  
Whacka2: Mario beat up MY brother, so I'm beating up HIS now!  
Luigi: OW! That's no fair! OW! Stop! Ow...  
  
THE (REAL) END 


End file.
